Monday, February 27, 2006

Pamatay

Cute ang aso ko, sa totoo lang.

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Yebah!

Yan lang naman ang inaatupag ko sa mga nakaraang araw. Wala kasing pasok dahil national emergency dito. Wala namang malaking gulo, pero emergency raw. Kaya ang dapat itanong ay: national emergency o personal emergency? Para sa isang taong desperadong nakakapit sa posisyon, hindi na siya marunong magpasimple.

Nagkakagulo na nga dito. Hindi naman natutulungan ng media na matapos ito, kundi dinadagdagan pa nila dahil sa mga maling interpretasyon at pagkaka-sensationalize ng mga balita. Hindi rin nakakatulong ang taong bayan dahil ang lakas nating maki-epal. Tuloy, imbes na kumalma ang sitwasyon, lalong nagiging tensyonado.

Oo nga't karapatan nating ipaalam at malaman, pero iba na kasi ang pakikialam. Pakikialam, sa dunong na nagkakaroon na ng negatibong epekto sa sitwasyon ng bansa. May pakikialam na positibo, at yun ay ang patungo sa tunay na pagbabago na makakabuti sa ating lahat.

Ang tanong: ano nga ba ang makakabuti sa atin? Itanong mo sa gobyerno at sa tao, mangarap kang pareho ang sasabihin nila.

Sa huli, kung sino ang may pinakamalakas na puwersa ang magdedesisyon ng tama. At sa ngayon, dalawa lang ang kinatatakutan ko: kung anong klaseng puwersa ang gagamitin at kung anong tama ang ipapasunurin.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Unsolicited Advice

Getting into a relationship is not as easy as staying in it. That’s why I find it really stupid to fall in love and suddenly jump off to the Couples Welcome Wagon without caring how far the jump will be. Sure, you got a guy, you got a gal, and Little Mermaid killed herself. Don’t believe anything Walt Disney tells you.

Why do people want to get hitched, besides being in love? Maybe partly because from pressure. Society, even in the 21st century, does not look kindly on singles. But that is relative---it depends on how old you are. Be below 20 and single, and no one would really care. Your parents will tell you to finish college, your hitched peers will envy you and your single friends will party with you on lonely Friday nights. Be twenty-something and single, and you’ve got a problem. Your parents will ask when you can carry their grandchildren, as if they’re just a bag of oats. Your Friday-night friends will probably find that someone you haven’t, and look at you with the utmost pity as if they’ve never ever been single. Be 30-plus and single, and you’re a loser.

My, what pressure. At least we don’t live in the medieval times where you have to get married as soon as you get your menses, which will be by 12 years old. Once you reach 20, you are more or less considered a spinster.

What else…getting into a romantic relationship is also appealing partly because of selfishness. I mean, what girl (or guy) would not want to be pampered on stupid days like Valentine’s and birthdays? Who would not want to have a stable date on lonely nights for the rest of a given eternity? Who does not want sweet compliments on their ears at their disposal? Who does not want to have someone to flaunt in front of those poor single people? Ahh, the superficial joys of a relationship. But if pressure and selfishness on your part are the only reasons why you want to be committed to someone, think twice. Oh, make it thrice. Perhaps a hundred times.

It’s hard to maintain anything—cell phone load, grades, friendships, especially romantic relationships. I mean, hey, two very different people from two very different backgrounds are stuck together. They are faced with the challenge of trying to live with each other’s idiosyncrasies. Even given that they grew up in the same environment, they cannot possibly see the world the in the same way. Add to that the element of being in love, and you’ve just about lost the chance of stability.

The bottom line is…don’t hurry. Rush something and you risk getting hurt. Of course all of this is a risk, but taking a risk is different from stupidly charging head-on. Enumerate your priorities. If you think this is worth all your time, patience, and pride, well, go ahead. Just go ahead without believing anything that Walt Disney told you, and you will be just fine.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Sushi Ko

I used to horribly dislike sushi. First, I do not like the seaweed. The first time I tasted it (which was way back in Grade Three, courtesy of my Taiwanese classmate), I barfed. Second, the gummy texture of raw fish is icky. Third, chopsticks just do NOT cooperate with my fingers.
Oh what the fuck, I write horribly. Basta gusto ko na yung sushi ngayon! Pero isang sushi lang! Yung crabsticks (kani) lang! Kasi, yun lang ang lasang luto!!! At bakit puro exclamation ang sentence ko!!!
Dios me, desperado na nga ako. Wala akong ma-post na matino. Walang kwenta tong sinusulat ko. Saka na lang, kapag hindi ako masyadong inaantok at pag hindi na ako 106 pounds. Iritable ako sa mga ganitong sitwasyon.

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The office at its post.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Hector

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Araw Ng Mga Pauso

Nabobo ako kahapon. Ang daming magkasing-irog ang naglalakad ng me hawak na samut-saring bulaklak, naka-kahon pang stuffed toy, at makukulay na lobo. Kala mo tinamaan ng kung ano at hindi naalala ang economic crisis, kasi punong-puno ang mga sosyal na restawran at pinipilahan pa ang mga overpriced na rosas.
Sabi ng guro namin sa Tae Kwan Do, kung tunay na nag-iibigan ang dalawang tao ay dapat araw-araw Valentimes. Hindi mo mahihinuha na mayroon siyang ganoong kalambot na sentimiyento sa kanyang budhi, pero tama yung sinabi niya. Bakit ka pa maghihintay ng Feb 14 para ipakita o ipaalala na iniibig mo siya? Ang haba ng taon, maraming pagkakataon. Kung makikisabay ka pa, hindi ba parang artipisyal ang dating? Parang automatic na obligasyon at hindi naman talaga badya ng damdamin.
Nga lang, ang Valentimes ay hindi lang para sa mag-syota. Eto rin ang panahon na nakakapaghari ang mga torpe. Ang siste, marami kasi sa mga kalalakihan ang nagbibigay ng bulaklak o kung ano sa mga iniirog nila, syota man o hindi. Kung magbibigay si Torpe #21 at Non-Torpe #1, hindi na mahihiya si Torpe #5. Hindi masyadong pansinin, kasi nga, hindi lang siya ang nagbibigay. Kaya palakasan lang ng loob yan. Magkakaroon ka na naman ng pagkakataon na makausap man lang siya...
Ang Valentimes rin ay panahon ng aminan. Nakaka-pressure kasi eh. Ang lakas ng inggitan! Kaya sa ayaw mo man o hindi, bigla-bigla na lang magkakasabihan na "Uy, aylabyu!" ng hindi mo man lang namamalayan. Sus. Basta lang kiligin eh, susuungin ang langit at lupa.
At siyempre, ang Araw Ng Mga Puso ay araw rin ng mga suicidal. Ang mga manic depressive ay hindi natutulungan ng mga okasyon tulad nito. Ang mga butas ang puso at bulsa ay lalong nabubutasan ng pag-asa. Halos lahat naman tayo siguro ay naabutan iyan.
Kaya, mabuti na lang isang araw lang 'to.
___
Naglalakad ako ng matiwasay sa banyo para ayusin ang mukha kong dispalinghado. Pagkalabas ko, itinabi ako ng isang babae at tinanong kung nag-gigitara ako. Umoo naman ako. Tas dinala niya ako sa isang lalake at inimbitahan akong sumali sa banda. Weird. Mukha ba akong rakista?!
Mababatid natin sa susunod na episode ng...

Monday, February 13, 2006

Random Cards

I've been going easy the last few days. As Betch made me realize, when the pressure is hot on me I absolutely do not feel it. But when I'm out of the pan, that's when I get fried. Weird.
Speaking of pressure. My mom bought a pressure cooker. As she does not have a natural propensity for patience or cooking, she loves her pressure cooker very much. As of now she is cooking leche flan. Oh, i shiver. The last time she attempted such a massive undertaking, the darned things turned into puto. Pero sabi nga nila, pag gutom ka papatol ka na.
What else...it's Valentimes tomorrow. St. Valentines is more or less fictitious, but why the hell is he not the symbol of this esteemed occasion? Why is it some nude kid with curly, gold hair slinging around a very deadly weapon of mass destruction? I mean, if that kid Cupid's bow and arrows can make people fall in love, he can probably cause a world war. After all, Helen launched a thousand ships.
En medias res...I passed the PolSci test. By the light of mercy of Sir Ramota, I got 2.75. I know that's not a lot to be proud of, but it's the best I can do in conditions such as the one I am subjected to in PolSci 11 class. Sigh. The horror. But I got a 15 in the essay! Sir mentioned that he gave a perfect score to this student who defended the Cha-Cha, although he is teeth and nails against it. Considering that I am block mates with UP people who are hot for Gloria's blood (or just simply fine with the system and not the people),Cha-Cha people are not exactly in wide supply. I am a Cha-Cha person. Whee.
Soo...I'm still awake just so I can watch My Name is Kim Sam Soon. It looks interesting. As TV is filled by these wonderful women who looks like they eat only (yuckie) yogurt, a fat leading lady is a very refreshing boost to anyone's self-esteem. Besides, its the first time I've spotted a fat Korean lead star---its like, 'fat' and 'Korean' can't go in the same sentence. Until Kim Sam Soon. Even Jan Geum (is that right?), who is a cook, is thin.
Weird.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Luluhod and Langit at Lupa

We watched the Hale, Hilera, Urban Dub and Sugarfree campus tour yesterday. Since there were only limited tickets, there wasnt that much people to take a jump off stage even if the singers wanted to.
Anyway, a blockmate of mine, Pj, and his band Ice and Nails did the front act. There was absolutely no problem about the lead, the base, and the drums. Pj can wield his guitar and rock! I dont believe I will be ever saying this, but he can rival Chito Miranda when it comes to using those fingers.
The problem is...I cant understand anything he's singing. I think the lead singer couldnt make it so Pj did the stint. The people around me were not moved. Non-musicians (which I think most of them are) often look for the image more, a nice beat and melody less. Pj and his band has yet to cultivate the image so I guess the people couldnt appreciate their genius.
There was even a gay guy who kept shouting behind me that they should stop singing because theyre not cute. Oh, yeah, of course he wants to see Champ for chrissakes, but i cant help but marvel at his/her/its sheer moronity at not being able to understand just how much musicality Pj is pouring forth. *scowl* Hes not making pa-cute when he turns around with his guitar, bends over, frowns in sheer concentration--- you know what thats called? Being moved by the beat. Duh.
Anyway, the next band to play was Hale. Wow, he was in the mood. I watched an MTV of his and he looked so bored, even though he was performing live. Anyway, chinito to the bones as Champ is, Hale rocks! Of course. Their main drawing power though, is not the music---the music always comes second when the shining light of Champ visits all those who worship him. And the basist. I dont know his name but he looks as nice as Champ.
And...Hilera. I love their music but it made my head hurt.
Sugarfree! Ang galing! Jol is a Polsci 11 teacher in UPM. The other Polsci block got him as their professor. Aw. So near and yet so far. =( Hindi sila guwapo. Unlike Hale, their music comes first and not their looks. They empathize with the crowd through their music, and they also know how to talk to their listeners.
So yun lang.

PS bag bumagsak ako sa test sa psycho luluhod and langit at lupa

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

18th

I spent my fourth birthday in a sleazy yellow tube dress with black fishnets. On my seventh, I wore a nice, pink dress, knee-high socks, black leather shoes and long, curly hair. I gave everyone who so ardently desired a picture with me a big and stupid smile. And I mean stupid. The only classmate of mine who attended the party was Regine. After all, she was the only one I invited.
On my ninth year of birth, Mame gave me the first pocketbook I’ve ever read. It was called The Afternoon of the Elves, and I still have the ancient thing. It was the book that set me off into reading and made me the creature that I am today. Papa, I remember Papa giving me a Sailormoon figurine. Uh. Pa, I was nine. I was into Britney, Backstreet, and Titanic. Hello.
The rest of the birthdays? I don’t remember them a lot anymore, if at all. Birthdays never meant a lot to me. So yeah, I’m one planetary revolution away from the sun since last time, but besides that, I feel the same. I always feel awkward when people greet me ‘happy birthday’ because I don’t know what to say--- thank you, God bless, best wishes, what? It was no big deal for me.
I was not happy. Nor was I sad.

So I’m eighteen. Wow. A few days from today eighteen years ago, Mame fell from a flight of stairs and her water broke. I was born by Caesarian section at approximately 11 am, a healthy female of the Homo sapiens. Pinaglihi ako sa butong pakwan na itim na labis na pinagsisihan ng nanay ko. After kilos of Nivea during high school, though, the wrongs have been set to rights. More or less.
Well, eighteen years. I survived the great trials of my generation, like teenage pop idols, boy bands, and MTV. Like lethargy, boredom, and lack of motivation. Its eighteen years of learning how to cross streets, how to order from McDonald’s, how to never trust magazines which were never good for anyone’s self-esteem (unless you’re on it). Eighteen years of survival in a world far from anyone’s ideal. There must be something to it.
After all, the law makes you legal at eighteen.

So what’s next? The next turning point should be about the time I graduate. How do I spend the next four years? How do I learn more? How do I grow? Man, I’m legal. I can get a job and pay my taxes. I can get a license and I can get drunk. I can go in gay bars and take Betch and Xela and April with me. None of which, of course, I intend or even have the slightest inclination to accomplish. Well, maybe a bit about the gay bar part. And that, what, job thing. Yeah.
Here I am then. I do know where I’m going but not about how to get there. Birthdays never meant a lot then, but this birthday means that only I am responsible everything I do from now on. Everything.
At least, I’m not wearing any sleazy yellow tube dress. Or fishnet stockings. Else, payment shall be uncomfortably dire.

---
salamat sa lahat ng nag-text na ka-Obzite (one love) at bumati sa eskwela (astig kayo!). Salamat sa regalo ni Cc, Betch, at Mishee. Salamat sa Nanay at Tatay ko, pati na rin sa magaling kong kapatid na ayaw akong peramin ng Stainless Longganisa ni Bob Ong. Salamat rin to Putong's (Coutre by a 'straight' male) for my outfit, Manoy Hairstylers (enjoy a 50% off boob job for every Rebond) for my make-up and Cc's Film World (Titino ang hitsura mo) for everything.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

So long and thanks for all the tish

I never had any illusions about anyone. I knew what they could and could not do. What I don't know, I will if I was interested. I also know what they want from me, and if I am willing to give it, I probably know what I want from them.
Symbiosis, hey.
I also never had any illusions about myself. I am cynical and manipulative. I am selfish and vain. I am not considerably better than anyone, but sometimes I indulge myself into believing that I am.
Ouch. But true.
How about you? What illusions do you have about yourself?
Do you think you're cool? Friendly? Popular? Nice? Smart? Unique?

Are you?

I've met a lot of people with heads not just above the clouds but also in their rectum. They hide inside that dark, dank place away from the shining light of the gleaming toilet. Their view of the world and of themselves is as narrow as that remarkable gateway of digested waste.
Are you one of them?

Oh, in case you ask, I am.

Placental SIlence

my ears are blinded
by a white taste
in my nostrils

living liquid envelopes me
makes a language
of murmurs

a reality
an eternity
compressed in a vacuum

embraced
encompassed…
ad infinitum