Friday, February 16, 2007

A General Review of Life. Mine, Specifically.

What I want more than anything else in the world is nothing. Sure I want tons of stuff seeing as I am probably the most materialistic person I know; thing is, I have no burning desire to acquire anything beyond everything at all. I just cavort through life in a seemingly pointless manner.

I say, where are the days when romance was the The Thing? When it was all or nothing? When things like love and hate, good and evil, beauty and truth were defined in absolutes? It’s just probably, no, definitely me, but an inordinate number of things in life in general strike me as bland and ascetic. To my mind, the level of artificiality in the 21st century has risen to dizzying, depressing, and suicidal heights. Fuck it. Sure this is the Age of Raging Hormones, of Capitalism, of Rock n’ Roll, of Homosexuality, and a bunch of other seemingly romantic notions. But it all seems to me superficial, manufactured, and shallow. I think deep down, something is dying within the human race. Something important (imagine Gandalf or Aslan saying this, I swear you won’t snigger).

I’m pretty sure I’m sounding like one heck of a bored, bitter girl right now. Well FYI I’m not. I live a fun life. I have great friends, okay grades, and though my romantic situation is notably unstable as of the mo’, it’s alive and kicking my non-existent balls hard.

It’s fun. Everything’s so fun and happy and good, and I say this with a minimum amount of sarcasm.

It’s all fun.

But pointless.

What have I done in 19 years? I won a few academic competitions which gave me an enormous ego fuck back in high school, but I hardly remember them now, much less the feeling. Medals are dead, cold, useless things. They’re only warm four-point-five seconds after some honcho hangs them on your stringy neck.

With the above-mentioned wisdom gained so early, I do not attempt to spend my college days as I did in high school. ‘Reclusive’ would be a fair adjective to describe my activities in the university. To go back to the question: what have I done in 19 years? Nothing too important. I just exist. Period. So now what?

Maybe I need a religion. You know, one of those thingummys that keep a lot of people in an opium-high. It would be, like, everything I do and don’t do would have a reason, a point! Whenever I feel miserable I’d have a good explanation: it’d be [insert name of deity HERE]’s will. The package would come with set, working morals, commandments, an afterlife and all those other stuff that keep people half-sane. Yeah. Religion appears to be a brilliant idea.

But like I keep asking: who would I be kidding? I don’t indulge in blind faith, too bad for me. Religion takes too much of that, and I don’t know how long I can keep it up, assuming that I can rationalize it to existence first. No deal.

Ah hell, don’t mind me. I’m just having one of those existential fits again. Do carry on, I just need a donut, and I’ll resume being happy.


Blogger Henrik said...

Here's a donut. And another. And another. And another dOOOOOOOOnut. :D

11:16 AM  
Blogger lizette said...

thanks dude. i just gorged some this afternoon, my favorite choco butternuts, at that.

8:33 PM  
Anonymous baddie said...

Would you, by any chance, stuff leftover choco butternuts into your striped socks, much like the fate of your leftover munchkins? The people NEED to know!

5:01 AM  
Blogger lizette said...

nah, there were no leftover munchkins/donuts yesterday. :( satisfied yet?

4:28 PM  
Anonymous ade said...

Here! Have another donut! And another! AND another! And here's a striped sock!

10:12 AM  
Blogger Euri said...

*hands donuts*

I think, you don't need a religion to make your life meaningful. I don't have one, and I can't say my life is that meaningful. But at least, I live by knowing that my life's purpose is to fill in this almost empty book with stories of my travel. :)

12:02 PM  
Blogger lizette said...

ade: pshaw, i dont need any more striped socks i have tooo much. the donuts are welcome, though. anytime.

euri: glad you view life that way. but i think there comes a time when you stop thinking about yourself inside your exclusive universe---you start thinking of yourself in the context of other universes. it will seem as if your journey is inconsequential and pointless. blah blah yadah this is boring. have i said hi? XD

8:52 PM  

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