Saturday, December 10, 2005

Alone Again. Unnaturally.

It’s been some time since I have spent a big chunk of my time in solitude. See, Cc was in a rally against the 65M UP budget cut, Betch was in the hospital, and Mishee had a fever and went home early. There was no one in the block I’m comfortable enough to hang out with, so I decided to just stay with myself for the next few hours until I meet my mom at SM Bacoor.
Well, whoa. I found myself unused to being with just myself for long tracts of time, which was not the normal thing before I came to study in Manila.
Before, I needed no one. Why should I? I can do everything by myself. I knew that it was better to do things on your own and save yourself the bother of trying to deal with other people’s egos. Hell, dati, I was perfectly safe in the sheltered enclave of my high school. There was nothing to doubt and few to question. I have comfortably settled into a lethargic way of life that had minimal energy and intellectual requirements. Hence, there was no reason to need peers to help and take care of me. Now, though, the tremendous energy and intellectual expenditure just by going to school in Manila and in Peyups, at that, is sapping out everything in me. I need support. I have it.
Until now, I find myself ill- fitted in this new level of dependence. The city is such a big place, though, and my soul can get lost as easily as my cell phone.


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