Ultimate Super Fantastic Blogging Rule of the Millennium

You know, I suck. I violate the Ultimate Super Fantastic Blogging Rule of the Millennium: thou shalt reply to comments and visit the commenter's blog. When I began in this blog, I was eager for any comments that might come astray my way. But in my iph blog, comments are a norm and I can't really faithfully follow the Ultimate Super Fantastic Blogging Rule of the Millenium anymore.

Some of them are intelligent and some of them are dumb. I like intelligent comments. Dumb comments make me wonder what-did-I-do-NOW? Rest assured, you people who still read this drivel from your feeds or for old time's sakes, that I try to visit the commenter's blog when I get the chance. I try hard with replying too.

The point of all this? It's PE tomorrow and I'll be jogging eight rounds. I overpicked the nail of the small toe immediately next to the big toe of my right foot, and it kind of hurts. My Converse trainers are hopeless and they look so tee-hee I don't want to be seen in them, so I'm using the pair of Vans I just bought, which means that I'm still breaking them in and they. Hurt. Like. Hell. To use.

Deducing from the above information, we find that PE will be hell tomorrow.

I don't know why I'm still awake. Before I went online (about 11:50 PM), I peed and a random thought occured to me, or rather, a random line: ako ang kunin mo ako ang kunin mo! Familiar eh? That's Kris Aquino before she jumped off the bell tower with that thingy in the movie Sukob. I liked that movie. I thought about the thingy after the magic line. It looks like a malformed bride person with rotten rose petals swirling all over it like there's no lunch tomorrow. Sweet thought at midnight, really.

If I drink, I most probably will be drinking now because I'm lonely. I seem to have a habit of estranging people I love, and it's almost always just a matter of time. It's a bad habit, and I will never be proud of it. I still haven't talked to Betch. I don't know if I should. I'm thinking everything will just fall into place, but I'm also afraid that they won't and then where would I be? I keep on remembering Marchelle, back in freshman highschool. She was a great bestfriend, but because of a trivial reason which I will not disclose because it reminds me if just how horrible a person I am---well, I just stopped talking to her and that one I never fixed. I don't want that to happen again. What the hell, it feels like it is happening again. I'm not doing anything about it because I don't know what to do about it.

Ah, well. Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same, fuckit.

I have a boyfriend. He's nice and supportive and we understand each other pretty well, but sometimes I wish that we understand each other more. I have become acquainted with his view of the world these past few months and admittedly, some of it does not make sense to me (don't ask me what, it's just a general feeling) or I totally disagree with. Maybe I'll get used to it. I do love him, but this asymptotic thinking sometimes makes me feel isolated even when we're together.

My, my. I intended this post to be just a few stray paragraphs long but lookee what we have here! A whole bunch of pathetic, if-I-drink-I-would-be-drinking-now bullshit. When I go this low, I just remember what Sir Ronald, back in junior high, told me---a writer should not feel self-pity. It made sense to me then because I was competing for editorial writing, and editorials should have conviction and an almost arrogant self-confidence to be effective. But now I am competing for a life I want, and I feel sorry for myself.

The mantra, a writer should not feel self-pity, is just a mantra now since I heard it four years ago. It doesn't make sense anymore, but it's comforting to mutter it anyway.