Burnt-Out

There’s something worse than being sad or angry. It’s the point where you just don’t care anymore, when everything ceases to mean anything because they just don’t. It’s this feeling of searing frustration coupled with cold apathy. It’s being tired.

I’m tired. I’m tired of trying to believe in you. I’m tired of trying to figure out of your many lies, the truth. I’m tired of having to beg for your time all the time. I’ve told my friends that to be able to have any semblance of a relationship with you, I have to have blind faith, high tolerance, and low pride. Guess what. They’re running out.

It takes more effort to walk around a straight road with your eyes closed than to walk around a potholed path with your eyes open. It’s the same with blind faith. I’m sick of pretending to believe your excuses, of listening to things you say you’d do but forget anyway. I seem to have lost the talent of believing in you, and us.

I can always ignore you not coming to classes, being ‘burnt-out’ with this whole going-to-school thing. But I can’t ignore that you’re also burnt-out with this relationship. You’re really lucky that I have bad memory, do you know that. But you remind me all the time. Tolerance can only go so far.

Low pride…without blind faith and high tolerance, I can’t forget my pride. I’m sick. I’m tired. I can’t bow down anymore, forgive, forget. Anymore.

What now? Maybe it’s time to let go for a while. This shit between us doesn’t seem to be working well lately. There’s no sense trying for what used to be and what should be if we don’t really know what we want to do.

What do you think?

But of course you don’t read my blog anymore. Haha. You’re ‘burnt-out’. Tired, just like me.