Friday, March 30, 2007

Mister Rainbow Unicorn

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Meet my new friend, Mister Ru. He’s a stuffed animal. I don’t particularly like stuffed animals, but someone gave him to me and I like free stuff. So Mister Ru is okay with me. And as K’s Choice hits it: everything’s alright, stuffed animals are always right.

Because I’m crazy and shit and school’s over and I feel inspired, here’s a little interview with the one and only Mister Ru.

Me: do you like the name I gave you, Mister Rainbow Unicorn?

Mr Ru: no you fucking shit don’t you see I’m a dog? If you wanted a rainbow unicorn you should have tole the person who bought me!

Me: well how could I have guessed someone’s giving me a stuffed toy? The last time was like, five years ago dude.

Mr Ru: shut up. I don’t like the name because it makes me sound confused with my identity. I know you want to sound cute by naming me cute, but come on. Rainbow unicorn what the fuck!

Me: well do you want to be named Mister Fluffy? Mister Doggy? Mister Peepee? Mister…

Mister Ru: next question, bitch.

Me: okay. why do you sound so nasty?

Mr Ru: because I am a being born of air and light and existentialism. I have a big ego and being cute is not helping. I can get away with anything I want to say, because I am me and I am invincible.

Me: hmkay. Do you watch Super Twins?

Mr Ru: that show? Never seen anything more idiotic since my production date. Do you?

Me: as a matter of fact, I sorta do.

Mr Ru: get a toner and a social life, dear.

Me: what?

Mr Ru: your eye bags are horrible and your skin tone is uneven. In short, you look horrible.

Me: I have never taken any beauty advice from any stupid stuffed animal.

Mr Ru: well missy now you are.

Me: oh what’s the worse thing you can do to me you dumb fuck?!

Mr Ru: I can tell everyone about that time you…

Me: You know Hector and Bogart?

Mr Ru: yeah they’re your real dogs.

Me: they eat everything, especially soft stuff, like cloth and stuffing and fake fur.

Mr Ru: …

Me: they never had indigestion.

Mr Ru: if my giver hears anything about this…!

Me: then your giver will just smile at me and get beaten in thumb wrestling. Which would be, great.

Mr Ru: you’re boring AND pathetic. Get a life.

Me: I will, as soon as I remove that smug smile from your cloth lips.

Mr Ru: fuck off.

Me: (lame) you too.

9 Comments:

Anonymous ianuarius said...

I really have nothing to say except LOLZ

6:21 AM  
Blogger lizette said...

wow hey ian! you have found you way here, ho ho.

7:08 AM  
Anonymous Giver said...

I hope he's not giving you a hard time. While I was scouring the toy store for a nice gift he was like, "Hey bucko, over here! Get me out of this stinkin' pile of inanimate dog imitations!". And when I picked him up he was like "Careful with the fur, buddy! It took me a loooong time to grow it. Chicks dig soft fur!" Then as I was about to put him in the gift bag he went ballistic and almost gouged my eyes out. He's way eviler than Chuckie from Child's Play!

Seriously, Im glad you loved it, I mean him. =)

2:09 PM  
Blogger Culture Shiok! said...

Mr Ru sure has an attitude...

3:22 AM  
Anonymous ade said...

Oh. My. God.

Marry me, Liz?

3:49 AM  
Blogger lizette said...

mr culture shiok! i see you visit my blog from time to time. might we exchange links? i like your blog too.

ade: i think i proposed to you in the forums first. ^_^

11:52 AM  
Anonymous baddie said...

Where did your giver get this intelligent stuff animal? I want to get one too. Maaan he's smart. My teddy bear (I named him Bunny the Bear) talks too, but he only says "Dieee. DIEEEE!!!" =(

9:37 AM  
Anonymous baddie said...

Stuffed. I meant stuffed. Stupid keyboard.

9:39 AM  
Blogger lizette said...

okay, now maybe Bunny the Bear needs some tutoring from Mister Ru. he'd be glad to, i swear, after i drug him and tie him up to a chair. he's quite, er, difficult. ~_~

4:05 PM  

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