Saturday, December 16, 2006

Horribly Funny

I witnessed my first (and also second) Oblation Run this week! The first was in my college last Tuesday, and the second was at Palma Hall yesterday. It was fun. All the girls (and some guys) kept screaming their heads off whenever the group of naked men ran by. The first time, I screamed (emphasize ‘just once’) so I would know how it feels. I felt stupid.

A difference between the two Oblation Runs is that some guys took their masks off in Manila while the Diliman runners faithfully kept the tradition of anonymity. Also, the naked men in Manila were camwhores and would sometimes pose for the gaping girls. Those in Diliman were solemn.

The Oblation Run was an act of protest against, first and foremost, the UP system-wide tuition fee increase. Sadly though, the TFI was approved by the Board of Regents, 7-0. I was in that rally at Quezon Hall yesterday, as an observer. It was painful to witness students barricading the entrance of the hall so that the Board of Regents would be forced to hold the meeting outside where a table and chairs were put up. All for nothing, since the BOR decided to hold the meeting in another building altogether, the College of Law. Long, long story. Having an activist Spouse Equivalent doesn’t help much to make it less long.

Shit, I’m disgusted with myself. The paragraph above illustrates my apathy. I know I’m supposed to do something about it, but I’m too comfortable doing nothing, so why bother? I can give me a lot of reasons. All of which makes me feel more disgusted with me.

Activism would be the easiest way out of this self-revulsion. Maybe I can even pretend I’m doing something right for once, fighting for something real, for once. But I find that I am chronically incapable of deceiving myself. I’m not good at playing with paradoxes. I still hold that activism is not a concrete solution to anything, and what transpired yesterday is a sneering example. I also believe, though, that this apathy should be made to go away. Now what do I do?

Heck, I’m 18. But I still expect myself to save the world. I still indulge in the childish delusion of making a significant change, a significant mark, which will make this shithole better someday. Now I’ve said it out loud, it’s so horribly funny it could make me weep. Maybe I will, after the delusion has gone away.

Silly. I am silly.


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