Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Danced the Fever Off

So here I am feeling like shit. I came down with the flu yesterday, and for a person who rarely gets sick, it’s equivalent to getting SARS. Naw, I’m just exaggerating. But I do feel horrible.

Ever seen a person in her blue fuzzy comfort jacket, green n’ orange checked pj’s, striped mismatched socks and a bad hair day dance to the Scissor Sisters Filthy Gorgeous? Well, I have. She looked the awfulest, insanest creature I have ever seen in my entire life. My dog gave her a stare that said ‘fuck off or I’ll never speak to you again’ before doing an abrupt walk-out.

Man I’m so gay. But at least I’m feeling better, sans the medicines I’m supposed to take. I’ll be staying home the whole day (as if I don’t every Wednesday, duh) trying to figure out how to cook an edible soup. Boring. Excuse me while I get back to America (The Book): A Citizen’s Guide to Democracy Inaction (I love Reighben), one of the funniest and historically inaccurate books ever written about American democratic history.

Oh oh oh! This is a passage in the book commenting on the outsourcing of jobs to Asia:

Breakdown of Typical Weeklong Business Trip to the Region

2 Hours--- Making a deal to send all your company’s jobs over to them
10 Hours--- Smoky hut, watching two sisters shoot ping-pong balls into a fish tank with their vaginas
36 Hours--- The Madness. (Hallucinogenic fever caused by getting off the plane.)
11 Hours--- Up at night wondering if the blister in your scrotum is humidity-based
8 Hours--- Blackout brought on by drinking liquor made from rattlesnake semen
3 Hours--- Paperwork on the outsourcing deals
14 Hours--- Panic.
9 Hours--- Making arrangements for wiring money that will convince the authorities that the girls’ death was accidental.
1 Hour--- Cab ride back to the airport where you reconcile who you believe you were as a person with what you did on the trip.



Er well. Suffice it to say that at least both Asia and America were insulted.

8 Comments:

Blogger Henrik said...

Gah. I can't help but be affected by this entry, not because of what you were trying to say, but because of what you wrote. Weird, but true. And outrageous.

(prevents self from pressing "page up")

11:41 PM  
Anonymous baddie said...

YEAH! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! I AM SO OFFENDED!!! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE US THAT DANCING GIRL IMAGE?! lolz

12:55 PM  
Blogger lizette said...

henrik: what what what? the excerpt from the book is one of the most striking, but not The Most Striking, if you know what I mean. i'm plugging it here, it's available at Powerbooks for 700-something. I know you don't like reading fiction much, so this MAY be your thing. tell me what you think about it.

baddie: ehem, that's not me. you can roll your eyes and say i'm defensive, but it's not me because...because it's not me.

4:27 PM  
Blogger Henrik said...

It's not the book, really. You somehow inadvertently mentioned crush outright. :D Mababaw, I know, but you know me to that extent...

...anyway, maybe after I finally get enough money for a new phone as well as all those expenses my course would dump on me, I might buy it. I know, I'll love reading it, eventually. :D

(still prevents self from pessing "page up")

9:49 AM  
Blogger lizette said...

crush? *blink* ohhhhhhhhhh...

11:40 AM  
Blogger Henrik said...

Yeah, her. (Did you get it nga ba?)

6:53 PM  
Blogger lizette said...

actually, i did not. ~_~

5:15 PM  
Blogger Henrik said...

Unnecessary emphasis, really. First paragraphs.

(Ang obvious. Shucks. Never mind.)

8:46 PM  

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